I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
so much tequila, so little girl.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
