currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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