I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
