I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
