I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
