Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
