Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
