I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize