If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
