Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
