I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
