just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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