We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize