Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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