where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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