she woke up with a sticky ear
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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