the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
