bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
