did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
