I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
