Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
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I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize