god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
