Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
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george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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