when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
