yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We're too hungover to prance.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
