You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
