you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
that is very illegal...i love you.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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