our cab driver is having phone sex.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
