i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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