I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Houston, we have a blender
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
