I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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