I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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