You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
