why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
