pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
