I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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