I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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