Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
