So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
