An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
