So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
