I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
