We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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