Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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