He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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