I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
