every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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