I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
