I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize