I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
