I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
