I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
