it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
