Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
