I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
