So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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