Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
