Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
