You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
