whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
