why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
